So we’ve defined what an unsupportive thought is and what to do about it/them in order to stop them amplifying. This chapter is dedicated to what is easily the number one, the heavyweight champion of the world of breakup mind-fucks. It is without a shadow of a doubt; the pedestal illusion.
Unless you haven’t guessed through that title, it’s about putting your ex girlfriend on a pedestal and believe me – it’s all an illusion. Want to hear a secret? She’s not the best thing to have ever graced this earth. She’s just another girl. Repeat after me: She’s just another girl. There’s a big possibility that me saying this has the potential to piss you off. Well I’d like to think that if you’ve made it this far in the guide that you actually respect my views, so thanks and as usual – please hear me out.
You may be thinking something like; “but you don’t know her, she’s a very sweet, sexy girl and she was an awesome catch who my family and friends loved…” And guess what, I believe you, I really do. I don’t doubt that your ex girlfriend had good attributes, that’s the reason you fell in love with her of course. Let me tell you another little secret…
…My ex girlfriend is one of the kindest and most genuine human beings that I have ever met in my life. One thing she was not – was perfect. Nobody is. No girl is perfect, I’m not perfect, and you’re not perfect. She was many good things but she was also extremely needy, annoyingly jealous and rather boring in retrospect! But did I see this at the time of the break up? Hell no because I was down in the pits and she was up there, way up high in the sky on my self-made pedestal, towering over my creative worthless self, in all of her fictional glory!
I’ve met MANY more suitable women since I realised this.
I’ve approached most of this guide with a sense of logic and reason to a man’s troubles post break up. I’d like to give you some psychological or biological reasoning to why we do this. However, on this occasion I am absolutely stumped to why dudes do this. All I know is – it’s definitely a ‘thing!’
Maybe we’re secretly a narcissistic race who enjoys turmoil and pain? I highly doubt that. I just think human beings have the tendency to make things harder for ourselves when we have the capacity to make situations so much easier. When you elevate your ex to an undeserved status of perfection, all you do is make life difficult for yourself. Tell me fella, how are you going to move on if you truly believe that you’ve just let go the most beautiful thing since Cleopatra?
If you genuinely have been using the guide the way that it was intended, then what you should really be doing is building up your own pedestal. It’s not going to happen over night of course, but if you’ve regularly been carrying out my advice your confidence will soar and this pedestal illusion will be very short-lived. Right now you’ve gone a bit “Wayne’s World!” We envisage this mythical Goddess in our mind and while we bow at her ever – so perfect feet we scream “We’re not worthy, we’re not worthy.”
Well guess what – we ARE worthy. YOU are worthy.
You are valuable and unique and I want you to start recognising your own awesomeness. I want you to keep developing as a human being and knock her off that pedestal! Ok?
And now…for some maths
There are over 3.4 billion girls living and breathing right now on this planet. Do you seriously think that you can’t find another ‘keeper’ in a number so high? That only one girl in that 3.4 BILLION was a girl that you could click with? That’s it’s now a case of “game over?” Burn your white flag, burn it.
If you rolled your eyes and said “she was the one” or “yeah but I won’t meet all of the 3 billion women” or anything along them self-obstructing thoughts, remember….
RE-DI-FUCKING-RECT them thoughts! You need to cut that shit out, because that is cancerous to your healing. If you don’t believe me now, you will one day. I know this for sure. Time and distance from your ex girlfriend gives you the objectivity to dethrone your ex girlfriend from her pedestal. The sooner you work on yourself and concentrate on the right thoughts, the sooner you will have the grounding realization that she is not perfect and she is far from indispensable.
I’m not saying that your whole relationship was a lie and if you think I am saying that, you’re a mile off the point. The good times that you shared were real, they happened and I am not going to try to take that away from you. I just want you to come to terms that you’ve romanticised your relationship to be perfect, when it was not – otherwise you’d still be together.
. Putting an ex on the pedestal is the number one unsupportive thought that you can have
. She probably had good attributes…but she probably had flaws as well
. It seems we are sick bastards that like to make our pain more complex and prolonged, now ain’t that sweet?
. You’re torturing yourself, needlessly
. There are 3 billion women out there, and many of them are a match for you
. Work on your own pedestal
. Nobody is perfect, so stop saying she is
. Write down 5 (or more) things that your ex did that pissed you off
. Write down 5 (or more) annoying habits of your ex
. Write down 5 (or more) times that you and your ex had a fall out
. Review your 15 (or more) examples and intensely hold them thoughts in your mind. If you’re going to exaggerate anything; exaggerate this. Make the arguing louder, make the habits unbearable etc.
. Choose a few from each section for your notebook, to use when in time of need and random pedestal worshipping!
. May I repeat: DO NOT spank the monkey/bash the banana/have a wank/choke the chicken/flog the dog/ over the thought of whats-her-name. Any other terms you can come up with for masturbation will be greatly welcome here in ‘the lad’s room’ section in the forum.