You are here because you want to stop thinking about your ex girlfriend, but right now she’s stamped herself in your brain and it’s dragging you down. You’re going through a particularly tough time so your thoughts are more than likely to be more sombre than a ‘Smith’s’ album. We are creatures of habit and the more negative messages that you send to your mind, the more of a habit it becomes. And as crazy as it sounds…
You can choose your own thoughts
The trick to stop thinking shitty thoughts is to catch them as soon as they appear. A thought process is like planting a seed; whatever thought you place inside you head – it grows and amplifies. It requires a determined effort to control your thoughts at first, think of it like a muscle – the more you work it the stronger you will be at it.
As well as wanting to stop thinking about your ex girlfriend, you’re wanting to stop all the other negative trash that’s dominating your head and turning it to unsupportive thoughts. Let’s take a look at a few common unsupportive thoughts that go through a man’s mind after a breakup:
You think- “I’m old/receding/out of practice/past my best (insert self-deprecating thought here), I won’t attract anyone else”
Look, everyone would like to be back in their prime; 20 years old without a fear in the world, lean, mean cocky and confident machine. Who wouldn’t? If you’re thinking along these lines, understand that you need to work on your confidence, but you need to change your way of thinking. Whatever flaw you have or more likely think you have needs to be forgotten by you.
Tell me which man a girl is going to be more attracted to: A receding/older/ungroomed guy with bad posture and a miserable look on his face.
Or a balding/mature/funny guy who loves what he does, is fun to be around, confident and in control of his life?
The answer is obvious and you need to understand that this is not pie in the sky, this is very real. We have it better in the dating pool, because women are more transparent than us (generally) and if you don’t belong to the same gene pool as Mr Pitt – you can still hit the jackpot by working on other areas such as personality, humour and confidence. Women are insanely attracted to confident men - fact! Ok, next one…
You’re haunted by thoughts of her in bed with another guy
Even reading that sentence alone might have felt like a dagger through your stomach. I remember when I started looking in to forgetting about my ex girlfriend – this was a big one for me. I’ve been there and so has many other men. No man wants to think about his ex girlfriend in bed with another man, but it doesn’t stop us torturing ourselves with visions we create in our head.
You know which ones. You picture her writhing around in bed, bending in ways a Russian gymnast could only dream of, with a Johnny Depp look-a-like etc. Why do we do it to ourselves? Well the good news is it’s rarely the case. I’m friends with many women and I’ve enquired about this and it’s far from the truth and there’s a possibility she’s on the rebound. Plus, you should be focusing on YOU!
Anyway, don’t let this control you and attack your ever so vulnerable ego. Instead of thinking of her life, replace the thought with your life and keep all of your energy on your goals that you’ve worked on, during these chapters. Never stop thinking of how you can improve yourself and your life. Think of your hobbies, projects, your dreams, your goals. Think about what actions you’re going to take to become the guy you want to be.
Check out the short and hilarious video of the film ‘High Fidelity.’ which is a perfect reflection on the above.
You think- I just don’t have the motivation to get better
Every time you think that, watch the short Rocky video clip. You might not be a Sylvester Stallone fan (you weirdo, the guys a legend) but try understanding he knows what he’s talking about here. His pre-famous life was extremely tough and he writes ‘Rocky’ on the reflection of the tougher parts of his life before fame.
If you regularly carry out the exercises in this guide, you will be distracted from these thoughts and you will also grow in confidence, which will in turn make your self-talk more positive. This may sound sappy or cheesy but what have you got to lose?
So, we’ve covered unsupportive thoughts and how to stop thinking about your ex girlfriend but we’ve not quite finished yet. The reason for this is because there is one particular mother-of-all destructive, unsupportive thought that is so common, dangerous, poisonous and harmful towards men post breakup. It is a HUGE piece of the pie and it’s what halts many men’s quest to get over their ex girlfriend. It’s so frequent that I can guarantee that you’ve suffered this at one stage. As usual, I ask you to read the brief summary of this chapter and to partake in the short exercise at the end of this chapter.
. You can choose your thoughts by redirecting them from negative to a positive thought
. You can become better at this with constant repetition
. Confidence will smash the negativity thoughts in to bits
. Sly Stallone is a top dude. End of
. Write down here the most consistent unsupportive thoughts that haunt your mind.
. Write a positive outlook in place so that you are prepared for the unsupportive thought when it strikes
. Write the words “NO THANK YOU” in big writing in your small notebook, carry it around in your pocket. As soon as you think an unsupportive thought enters your head; whip out the book and say these words in your mind and then focus on a positive alternative