Being single and happy is possible. You just have to concentrate on the positives of being single – or you will be forever! I’m serious, hear me out…
Reality check – I’m not going to pretend that suddenly being single after years of being attached is not scary or confusing. I’m also not going to tell you that it’s the end of the world either. It’s going to be tough at first to comprehend, especially with the way you’re feeling, but hopefully you will open your eyes to the many fruits of being single. Everything has a good side; you just have to learn how and when to spot it.
The Benefits of Being Single:
Absence of compromise:
Compromise and sacrifice are essential to a healthy relationship, when you are single you have the freedom to make choices that suit your tastes better. Rather watch ‘The Sopranos’ box set than some crappy soap opera that steals your soul? Well stick it on, fella!
You don’t have to tolerate bad habits:
Bad habits such as snoring and speaking over the best part of the film used to annoy the crap out of you. Well now you don’t have to put up with that anymore. On the other hand, you get to be yourself and carry out your imperfections without being nagged at. Give your patience a well-earned rest.
Your money is your own:
Even if whats-her-name wasn’t exactly a gold digger, you almost certainly spend more money when you are dating. Your budget of lady maintenance gifts and pointless household items that you never even wanted can now be spent on anything you desire. Impulse buying of a vase is not that exciting….impulse buying of football/insert sport of choice or recreation event/tickets is.
You can be spontaneous:
Your work colleague has last-minute asked you if you want tickets for tonight’s concert, it’s your favourite band. No need to ask for permission or to check that you don’t have some sort of mind-numbing routine that you usually do on this day.
Instead of saying; “actually Dave (everybody knows a Dave) I’ll just check, thing is we normally go shopping on a Tuesday night at 19:03 on the dot, every week while I die a little inside.”
You can now simply say “count me in, Dave!”
Just recognise that you can now go where you want, when you want and with whom you want. You’re the boss now.
You only have one set of relatives/friends:
You never told her that you secretly believed her best friend was a demonic bitch from hell. She remained completely unaware that you thought her brother was the dullest man on the planet. Well now you get to hang out with people because you generally like them and not because you have to tolerate them.
You have more time for hobbies:
I’m going to elaborate on this in an upcoming chapter.
You have more time for personal growth:
As above. Being single gives you more time, it’s up to you how you use it. If you have a plenty of idle time you will surely focus on the negatives of being single. But like I said, we’ll cover this next chapter!
You don’t have to tolerate moodiness:
Since the dawn of time, men have had to put up with women’s irrational moods that we don’t understand and they refuse to explain. Ever asked a snarling ex what’s a matter while she’s banging kitchen equipment around, with a scowling face, acting like a spoiled brat? Only to be answered with an aggressive tone of “I’m fine.”
Relish in the joy of not being the fall guy for her inexplicable mood swings.
You are in control of your own mood:
You’ve had a good day, you come home and she’s had a bad day…now you have a bad night in store for you as she chews your ear off, bitching about her boss and seventeen other people who’s names you know but don’t actually care about. Well not any more.
Hear that? That’s the sound of sweet solitude that is, fella. Enjoy the peacefulness of your own mind.
You look how you want when you want:
Right now you won’t have to hear the unsubtle tone of “you’re really wearing that?” If you prefer your head shaven then shave it. If you truly believe your Chuck Norris t-shirt makes you look cool as fuck, wear it lad. Wear it with pride.
You can flirt whenever you want:
No need to feel guilty sharing playful banter with the cute girl serving you coffee, you now have a license to flirt. With your recent dip in confidence, however chances are that your mojo has gone MIA
Don’t worry too much about that right now, we’re going to work on that too.
You don’t believe me – and that’s ok
There’s a strong possibility that you’ve skimmed through all of this, gave a half-hearted “whatever” and scorned at my suggestions. That’s ok. I know what it’s like when you suddenly find yourself back on the market again, you’re clouded with negativity and all you see is the good parts of being in a couple.
“People will think I’m a loser because I’m single.”
“All of my friends are with somebody.”
“I just don’t like being on my own…”
Right now your internal self-talk will be very downbeat and you will be making a habit of allowing unsupportive thoughts dictate most of your thinking. I have a whole chapter dedicated to unsupportive thoughts and how to handle them, so you’re not torturing the hell out of yourself on a constant basis.
Right now you’re focusing on the things that you miss, what you need is a shift of focus towards the benefits of being single. You don’t have to be single forever but what you need is to accept the situation you are in now and adapt a way of thinking to it. The following exercises will look to do this. Crack on, grab a drink and get moving.
. Being single after months/years of attachment is a hard concept to stomach for many people
. There are pros and cons to being single and in a relationship
. You don’t have to be single forever; in the mean time you need a new outlook
. You are your own boss now and have options that you didn’t before
. The following exercises are catered to help you see the positives of being single
. Write down 5 things you are able to do now that you couldn’t when you were single here.
. Do at least one or all 5 of them this month and record them here
. Do at least one spontaneous thing this month. Obviously you can’t plan this, (kind of defeats the point), but at least open up your mind to doing something random this week and write about it here
*NOTE* drunk-dialling whats-her-name and blasting “I hate everything about you” by ‘Ugly Kid Joe’ does not count
. Write down your deepest fears about being single here
. Get out of the house, go where you want, do what you want (within reason) and feel free as a bird.
. Wear what the hell you want, have your hair how you want it, grow a proper beard (whatever the hell you want) etc. Consider a total makeover in your appearance. Yes, I did just use that word. Stop judging. Can you find a better word for it? See, not so fucking easy is it?!
. Remember about keeping up your appearance and The No Contact Rule
. Assuming you have used the guide properly so far; make it your goal to lightly flirt with somebody you find attractive this week. I don’t mean go and letch over the nearest hottie and beg for her number. Start with a harmless smile. Write about here
You’re doing really well, move on to the next chapter and let’s make steps to not only take control of your life but to improve it!