Rebound relationship and rebound fling are two complete separate concepts concerning the rebound girl. I’m sure you’ll have heard of the phrase “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” The chances are your ego needs a nursing and that once average girl from your office has suddenly become a lot more desirable, so what’s a boy to do? Well the jury is still out on this but allow me to give my take on the matter;
I believe a rebound relationship is bad news but I believe a rebound fling isn’t the worse thing in the world.
So what’s the difference and why does it matter?
Rebound Relationship
A rebound relationship is when you get involved in a romantic relationship with a new girl, at an alarmingly fast rate when you’re still hurting badly from your last your break up. I’d list the pros and cons but I’m afraid I can’t…because there aren’t any pros!
For a start, you’re using her as a replacement for your ex girlfriend and when I say ‘using’ it has double meaning. Cutting to the chase; diving in to a relationship when you are still hurting is careless and selfish.
I know on the NC chapter I said you need to be a little selfish in order to heal but this is different and a lot more of a tender situation. This is a bastard’s trick, don’t be that guy and have some integrity about you. If you know how it feels to be hurting, why would you inflict the same pain on another person? This is a website where we do things properly – and knowingly hurting another human is just not cool.
Furthermore, if you’re still crazy for whats-her-name you will absolutely pick faults in your head about the rebound girl. Her body won’t feel the same, she won’t act the same, nothing she does will satisfy you because your ex girlfriend is a drug that is still deeply rooted in your system and it will eventually creep up on you. Many broken-hearted men rush in to a relationship with a rebound girl, in order to get over an ex girlfriend and to ease the pain and loneliness only to find it has an abrupt expiry date. When that time is over, all is left is a big mess.
Women are super-intuitive and if you keep a shrine for whats-her-name in your heart, it’s only a matter of time before she picks up on it.
Rebound Fling
A Rebound fling is in Layman’s terms; friends with benefits. A woman who you meet up with for sex and she knows it’s just sex and is happy with the setup. Maybe you’re rolling your eyes right now and thinking “I wish” or “they don’t exist.” Well yes, it’s certainly a hard gig to get but there are strong, independent women out there with healthy sex drives who don’t want to be all loved up right now. Fresh flesh is somewhat a double-edged sword; you’re getting some action with a new girl but something just doesn’t ‘feel’ right.
This can be a whole lot of fun and a welcome distraction, should you choose to go here. One thing to consider is:
. Wrap up with a love glove (wear a condom). You’ll probably know which birth control your ex girlfriend uses without thinking, but the rebound girl isn’t the same girl. You don’t want what was supposed to be harmless fun, to turn in to any dramas.
If neither of the two examples applies to you right now; breathe a sigh of relief. You have enough confusion and mixed emotions going on right now and you don’t need any soap operas on top. Plenty of time for women when you’re all healed and the new improved you bursts back on to the single scene 
No summary is needed in this chapter; I’d rather concentrate on something very important. The bridge between a rebound fling and a rebound relationship is a dangerously shorter distance than you may be aware of. So how do you know which one you are in? What are the warning signs? What kind of rebound girl is the lady you’re focusing your attention on right now?
Well I’ve devised a little quiz for you; I’m nice like that All you need to do is grab a pen and paper and give honest answers, by writing down the numbers that relate to you for each question. I’d like everybody to read this in case they end up in this position…
The Rebound Girl Quiz
a.) Do you sleep over each other’s house after sex?
1.) Yes
2.) No
3.) It’s only happened once
b.) Do you compare the rebound girl to your ex girlfriend?
1.) Yes, but isn’t that normal?
2.) No, I’m having too much fun to care
3.) Only in the sack
c.) Does your ex have a new guy?
1.) Yes
2.) No
3.) I suspect she does
d.) If yes, did you feel you needed to find somebody new to save face because whats-her-name moved on so quickly?
1.) Fuck yes!
2.) No, it’s because new girl is super-hot
3.) I’m not sure
e.) When you have sex with new rebound girl, how does it feel?
1.) Guilty, as if I am cheating on my ex
2.) Are you shitting me!? It feels awesome
3.) I have mixed feelings
f.) Have you met up with new girl for any other reasons than sex? (Dinner at a restaurant, cinema etc)
1.) Yes, what’s wrong with that?
2.) Hell No!
3.) No, but I’d quite like to
g.) Have you ever met up with new girl for just sex but ended up not?
1.) Yes, but this thing happened and….
2.) Don’t be so stupid
3.) What’s wrong with that?
h.) How often do you and new girl keep in touch?
1.) Over 3 times a week, she’s a good laugh
2.) Usually on Friday nights, to see if I am free and every Saturday I receive a text to politely inform me that she’s now walking like John Wayne.
3.) Not sure
And finally…
i.) If this girl got in touch with you tomorrow and said: “Look, this has been really fun but I’ve met someone new and I think it could be special, take care,” how do you think you’d feel?
1.) Like an extra setback, like an arrow has pierced through my already ripped open heart
2.) Couldn’t give a shit, I had fun. Good luck to her!
3.) I’d wish her well but I’d be a little pissed off
How did you do?
If your answers were mainly 1’s: you are in a rebound relationship and you need to get the hell out of it before your rebound girl (or possibly both of you) ends up getting hurt.
If your answers were mainly 2’s: then you’re one lucky son of a bitch. Enjoy it while it lasts and don’t spoil it by suggesting you both watch ‘The Notebook’ together, instead of doing the nasties.
If your answers were mainly 3’s: You’re treading dangerous waters, tune in to your intuition and don’t bullshit yourself. You may need to step away from this and the potential rebound girl before any more unnecessary damage is done.
Still unsure if the girl you are chasing/dating is a rebound girl or not? Visit here for further information.
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I have to guiltily admit I have done this. I knew it was wrong and I was silly to try and make it work. My ex that I loved got back in touch after she split with her rebound and wanted to give ‘us’ another go. What a mess! Her head was an emotional bucket of frogs and mine wasn’t great. She went from wanting me to move back in and go on holiday with her, to saying that it can’t work again in the space of 5 days..baggage, emotions etc…Massively deflated and it’s put me back again.
Either someone loves you for who you are or they don’t. To be someones ‘hero’ and ‘fool’, isn’t great and has caused a huge mess to my head.
Don’t hurt another with a rebound.
What do you do if you think you’re the rebound girl?
This is my first relationship ever. I knew he and his girlfriend of three years had split up, officially six months before he and I started dating. I knew he liked me, but my head said, “no, he’d never like me like that and he just THINKS he likes me”. So, I didn’t pursue it and followed my instincts.
We’re friends and had always spent a lot of time together, talking, being there for him (he said as much). And I fell for him, for a long time I didn’t even consider that I might be a rebound girl. When I look back at when we started, I fell fast and I forgot that him falling may have been just his need to fill that void that his previous relationship left. We’ve been dating for 3-4 months, things moved very fast, especially for me since I had never had a boyfriend before.
We hang out and spend time together, go out and whatnot. He has said things like “I suck when I’m not in a relationship” and “Thank you, i don’t know what I would have done without you, in the last year with all the shit I’ve been going through”.
I want to ask him outright, because I don’t think anybody can really answer the question, besides him … “Am I your rebound girl?” … or maybe with a more tactful approach. He and I are very honest with each other, but I’m afraid to get into that topic because of the potential answer.
Because he says he loves me so much … all I can think of, is why would you use me as your rebound … why would somebody do that to anybody?
Hi, I have tried registering for the forums but haven’t received a password in my email any help please.
I was a guy’s rebound fling… but he never said so. It was just “I’m not ready,” and “I’m not over my ex”… said AFTER I slept with him. I was the one who finally had to call it a fling, for lack of a better term. He was too much of a coward to say upfront that he only wanted sex and give me a chance to make an informed decision about what to expect if we got physical.
I had really liked this guy (what I knew of him before his breakup, before he put the moves on me), and he just used me, didn’t give a damn about how it would affect me. Haven’t spoken to him since last year, and I’m still hurting, searching random blogs like this on how to get over it. It’s not my fault his ex hurt him, left him… I didn’t deserve this. Now I’m stuck until I’m healed enough to give another man a chance. I don’t know when that will be, but I know I’m not getting involved with any man until I am.
Rebound flings are not so innocent, especially if the rebounder is not 100% honest at the very beginning. Better that rebounders stay out of dating and stay out of other people’s pants until they’re better… otherwise they just hurt others and create more rebounders.
Wow TR,
What you wrote just hit home. I am messing with a girl, but I told her I was still screwed up about my past relationship. She is a nice girl and very kind in everyway. I need to be a man and end it. I’m sorry you are hurting so much. I never intended to do that to anyone.